Sometimes

But only sometimes, I am struck with the desire to drown myself in my education. I have thought about that a lot this semester. My 3.8 GPA is harder to maintain and I some days I just don't remember what i am working for. Not in a hopeless sort of way, but in an autopilot sort of way. I just keep going with no end or goal in mind. But more and more in the last month I have been fixed on the idea that this is a time in which I have a ton to learn and decide upon. This time will end in a year and a half and although i am not yet scared or anxious for what comes next, the idea of the future sits patiently in the back of my mind, waiting for the moment it can pounce me. 


I have a year and a half to learn, to be educated. I am having information, opinion, theory and debate poured into my brain constantly and I file it away for that moment I might need to know whether I think Song of Solomon is an allegory, an example, drama or something else. When I can tell someone desperate to know the use of Old Testament law. and Honestly, when that time goes, all I will be able to offer is a held to theory. Cause I have 20 years ahead of me before i will be convinced of anything. And i sit here ignoring my Fine Arts class because growing up in my home handled this section of my education just fine, I am struck with something I learned in a class (and trust me, classes and sermons and small groups and conversations with my roommates have all melted together in brimming 19 year old brain). I learned that I am gifted to learn, that I have been placed here, for this season. Not only placed here, but I was gifted with some of the most brilliant bible teaching of an undergraduate level available in this country. Easily the best this side of the Mississippi.  I intend to leave this place knowing all i could. for life, for God, and if nothing more because I have been given a gift. And even though its alright to get a B on my 7 pages dissertation on Ps 7, 9 and 10, its not alright to BS it. Its alright to do less than perfect if I learned. If one day I will use what i said, even if I don'd get it down on paper perfectly. 


I talk better than I write anyway. Anyway. What I have learned this semester can be summed up in the verse that finalized it for me


 Ecclesiastes 9 "⁷ Go, eat your food with gladness, and drink your wine with a joyful heart, for God has already approved what you do. ⁸ Always be clothed in white, and always anoint your head with oil. ⁹ Enjoy life with your wife, whom you love, all the days of this meaningless life that God has given you under the sun—all your meaningless days. For this is your lot in life and in your toilsome labor under the sun. ¹⁰ Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might, for in the realm of the dead, where you are going, there is neither working nor planning nor knowledge nor wisdom."